Drug Development Pillows

'This is wonderful. It will help millions of people.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

The slow pace of science

"You're onto something very big. Don't let the company get its hands on it."

'Foxcroft, your research on the immune system and the drugs youve come up with are extraordinary. As a result, we're making you a district sales manager.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'As everyone knows, scientists are at their peaks early in their careers.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

Engineer on the move.

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

"R&D really created a miracle drug this time...at least it's been miraculous for our bottom line!"

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Inventing Time Travel

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

"Congratulations on your invention...but you don't have to rub it in."

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

Artificial Intelligence Lab. They say they'll never able to make us think like they do. Boy, that's a load off my mind!

R and D for a Pharmaceutical company

"Unsticky notes test #17 success!"

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

"My discovery may not win a Nobel prize, Edmund. . . but the world can always use a better tasting toothpaste!"

Man Builds Piers.