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'Go straight down,try to miss the lamp post,mount the kerb,shudder to a halt and...'

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'And here's the toolkit.'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

Speed Checked By Radar.

"I've just had my panel 5 beaten...."

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

Parking? I don't think so.

"Could we try parking again please, Mr. Zog?"

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

'I'm not a bad driver, they're bad pedestrians.'

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

"Say, aren't we a bit too old to drive a car?"

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

"Back so soon?"

The Latest in Airbags

Woman Driving a Lemon.

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

'My car has been acting funny.'

How's my Reaction Time? Call 1-800-OLDTIMER.

Chief, call you back. Something's come up.

Earvin is having second thoughts about getting a cellular pay-phone.

The old man and the forest

"Okay...when the light turns red, you stop. When the light turns green, you go."

'Okay, which ones are the bad guys?'

"Flashed again....Anyone would think I was on full beam!"

This lane reserved for average persons only.