Drinks Detective Prints

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar."

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

'He's a problem drinker. . . he never buys a round.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."

Unsafe Drain Covers!

Complaints Desk

California Beverages Map

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Big Moon Brewery and Alphonso's martinium

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

La Tour 2007.

Dutch Courage

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

Fire at the Bisto Factory

Gene doping in sport.

"It's his body language. All I hear is snorting, burping, and ominous rumblings from his lower extremities."

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

'Do you have any coffee?'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

"Decaf. They can't be far away."

'I wonder if anyone will miss me after I'm gone?' 'Would you like to pay your bar tab now?'

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'

'If I knew what those trillions of bacteria wanted, I'd give it to them.'

The Ocean's Plug

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'