Drink Dilettante T-Shirts

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

The singles bar...

Garlic Free Zone.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'House wine?'

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

'Should I buy or sell?'

'I'm sorry sir, we have 'diet cola' and 'diet lemonade', but not 'diet blood'.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

One Way/Two Ways.

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"