Door Slammer Extraordinaire Pillows

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

Emergency exit into Space

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

Stop, Smell Roses (stop and smell the roses)

"After 10 broken keyboards, I finally bought him one that's designed for someone who bangs on it when they're mad."

Macho man body building club.

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

"You rang?"

Woman is held back in her career by a male boss

Look out, here comes the old man

Door

'They must want to trade those things for our corn - or possibly our blackjack tables.'

Janus faced

'May I go home now?'

"How's your blogging going?"

The spoiler

'He's got a really big sound.'

"How long will it take to widen this door?"

'The answer is still no. I'm not interested!'

Destroying Music Speakers.

"Cherchez la femme."

"I heard Ralphie blows out his car speakers every three weeks."

Salesman.

The best way to teach the cat how to read?

"Good. Now punch in your password."

The Synchronized-Swim Team Quits

Now THAT'S a New Year's Resolution!

"Gods are imaginary friends that have evolved the ability to spread from one human host to another. They are communal parasites, and you are carriers."

'Can I stress that this technique must only be used as a last resort.'

"I sent out the laundry."

'-and now, everyone's favourite!'

"Thank, Baldo. You're such a gentleman, not like Joey. He's such an inconsiderate bum."