Domestic Delegator Mugs

"Oh look... You don't know how to wash dishes. I guess you don't ever have to wash them again."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

God's Subcontractors

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

Incompatible.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'Ah, Williams, are you familiar with the term ‘Poisoned Chalice'?'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, always together... but are the really happy?"

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

Diplomacy

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"I'm not just cleaning up - it's part of a conversation I'm having with Mum."

"What's wrong?"

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

"The defense rests."