Domestic Debate Champion Pillows

'Just a minute -- I'm in a neutral corner.'

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Now that's a win."

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

America Finally Solves the Gun Problem

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

Always Compatible

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

A young positivist.

Healthcare declaration

'I don't get it, Victoria. . . why are men in control of everything?'

Children arguing over the name of a fish

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

"This swamp is much too beautiful to drain.".

"You might want to save that for your blog."

Tree of Public Opinion.

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."