Domestic Debate Champion Pillows

'Just a minute -- I'm in a neutral corner.'

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Now that's a win."

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

America Finally Solves the Gun Problem

Always Compatible

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

A young positivist.

Healthcare declaration

'I don't get it, Victoria. . . why are men in control of everything?'

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

Children arguing over the name of a fish

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

"This swamp is much too beautiful to drain.".

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

"Hey...Didn't we build that?"

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'