Doggie Humorist Gifts

"Relax, Sparky! Doctors say bone loss is normal at our age!"

"She never took to the leash."

'You've got it wrong,luv-it's Fido who's the boozer!'

"My human can't tell which end is which."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"I'm working from home today."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Hats and Food

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'