Doggie Duty Handler T-Shirts

"I'll walk, you shovel."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Pushy Dog

'The word bath is mentioned.'

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'Rex! Have you been counting the sheep again?'

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"He did it!"

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

"Listen, buddy, a lot of dogs accidentally wee-wee at Westminster."

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

'For a minute there I didn't think we were gonna make it tonight!'

'Damn showdog people!'

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'Nowadays kiddo, we just need to herd the sheep, but my grandfather had to protect them from wolves!'

Suddenly Harry regrets ever using anything other than dog treats to motivate his team.