Doggie Disaster Navigator Pillows

"Whaddya gonna do? It's an act of dog."

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

Kid tows his large dog in wagon with 'wide load' sign.

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

Walking in the woods.

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'It's your father. He says he's joining Bob Dylan's never ending tour.'

"Bad news. I've been fired! I was mouthing silent obscenities at the boss and forgot we don't wear masks at work anymore."

"Yee yee hee hee how how yip yip."

"St. Louis? Peoria? Savannah? Buddy suddenly realized he was lost."

Egyptian Mummy Wrap

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

Chaos at the vet's office.

"....aaand here, where you stipulate: "Yes, goddammit, Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ I just want this to be over.'"

Mixing Duty with Pleasure

"Getting a puppy isn't so bad once you drink."

"Do you want a bed or do you prefer to sleep on the furniture?"

'I don't like backseat barkers.'

"Well, you asked for a sign!"

"Next walk, we’re going to the park."

"And we're still not getting any hot air."

"Is that your smoke alarm beeping?"

Don't expect a big splash. There's no water in the pool.

'Sorry, I failed sex education.'

Documentary Proof: A dog lost hundreds of feet from home can easily find his way back.

Dispelling the myth that a dog can find his way home from hundreds of miles away.

Earthquake Insurance

Sleep walking.

"It takes into account every single thing you’ll probably stop to pee on."

"The date was going well until he turned up!"