Doggie Barfly T-Shirts

"Easy, Scooter. Word on the street is she's got the fleas."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"Catnip for everyone."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'Fried chickens.'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

"What would you like me to play next?"