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'Has this slop you fed me been checked for e-coli?'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

A man and his dog

Cling-On Dog

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

Epic Battles

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Dogma

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"Maybe next time you won't drink so much lake water."

Dogs all across town saw fit to teach their owners a little empathy...

'The word bath is mentioned.'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

"You go ahead and sleep, girl. I’m sure Philip Roth won’t be offended."

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'Ah, business as usual.'

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'