Dog-loving Couch Potato Pillows

"I suppose I can wait a little longer to go to the bathroom."

"This is Sunday. Monday's down the hall."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I see a couch."

"Business has picked up since we introduced short term cryogenic stays for the football off season."

Watchdog

"I eat shit and I like it."

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"It's amazing! A couple of inches of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!"

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

'We added on to the couch.'

"You can't possibly have winter cabin fever! Winter just officially started a couple days ago."

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

'Shhhhh. This is our favorite show, 'Stupid Pet Owner Tricks'!'

'Sorry, we couldn't pry the remote from his fingers.'

'He's been reading it for the past 20 years!'

"Haven't you heard? Twenty's the new ten!"

"Hibernation's over, Liam, football's started again!"

Remote control bone.

'Actually, I only got into therapy so I could get on the couch.'

"Grab me a zebra while you're up will ya, hon?"

"I like the part where she says, 'woof'."

'Striped cats make me appear thinner.'

'I'll never forget the first time we met, and goodness knows I've tried!'

'I'll never forget when we first met and goodness knows I'll keep trying!'

"Whenever I watch the Nature Channel I get survivor's guilt."

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

The dog food channel.

'Watch with Whoever.'

"Ed's world line is a dot."

Man and TV have both fallen asleep

'Actually, sex just isnt that important to me.'

'After seeing about 20,000 commercials a year, I don't think I have any sales resistance at all.'