Dog-cat Diplomat Pillows

Most people don't know that cats and dogs used to be best friends until some thoughtless cartoonist began stirring up trouble in search of easy gags.

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

Landing That Tough Account

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Bipartisan.

Good duck, bad duck.

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

Advantages of Growing Older

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."