Dog Behavior Gifts

'And if you ever did catch your tail, are you sure it would make you happy?'

'Is he sitting?'

'Well, back to work!'

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

'What does he mean, we're not on the list?'

"So far, so good."

"He suffers from bone loss. He can't remember where he buries them."

'Bad dog!'

'Bad dog, stop doing the crossword.'

'Don't even think about it.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

"How long will it take to widen this door?"

"It all started when the neighbour bought a leaf blower..."

'What are you doing with that toilet?! I drink out of there!'

'That's the last time I trust you to train the dog!'

'No need to see your ID. I recognize you. And you still can't come in.'

"Well, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell him he's not a lap dog!"

"Yes, I'm a dog person. How did you know?"

"Hi, I'm Rex - it's Latin for 'King'."

"Doggie treats are just another way for humans to control us and steal our freedom."

"We don't get to decide when they throw the ball. Our job is to just stay ready to fetch it."

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

"This time, by god, he's going to hang on to the d*mn stick."

"Her master might be rich enough to pay for a French coiffeur, but she barks at the moon just like an ordinary mongrel."

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

Dog dreams of dinner.

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"It's like this, kid - you're best friends, you shake hands...then they demand you go fetch something!'

In the dog park

'I don't sniff wine.'

'I read 'The Hidden Lives of Dogs' last year, so this doesn't come as a complete surprise to me!'

'For the life of me, I have no idea how he ties that.'

'For pity's sake, Albert, can't I step out for 5 minutes without Sparky deposing you as alpha male?!'

'Marm misses Simon Cowell.'