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"If I'd lived back then, I would have signed it, too."

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"The arms reduction talks are off to a good start -so far, we've agreed to ban pebbles."

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

After forty-seven years in management, it was only appropriate that he be buried in paperwork.

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

In and Out Trays

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

"Here is the one pager we all agreed on..."

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

Files of Doom

'In, out, fiddling.'

Declaration of Independence. Legend has it that John Hancock signed his name extra large to annoy King George. The quill must have come from a mocking bird!

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

Put it in writing!

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

Desk Organizers: 'He Said' and 'She Said'.

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"Singing cowboy AND notary public"

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

"I can't understand how it got lost - I haven't filed it yet"

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."