Doctor Visit Virtuoso Prints

"I cancelled my last appointment without phoning the Doctor... so I'm making up for it by showing up without phoning!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

"It's cooties."

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Taking blood pressure

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."