Diy Dodgers T-Shirts

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

Pulling a Sickie.

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

Putting Practice.

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Private Viewing

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

'Storm'

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Uh, it's the funniest thing honey... None of my power tools seem to work! I guess those projects will have to wait..."

"Can't you rake the leaves? I'm raking in cash."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"I couldn't work out how to assemble my wardrobe - then suddenly, it all fitted together..."

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

Walk right in. Sit right down.