Divorce Satirist Pillows

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

'People think puppy love is so cute. But you never hear a word about puppy divorce.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Actually, your wife's quite hot... Mind if I ask her for a date?... Post decree absolute, of course.'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'I got custody of the kids.'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

'That's the mental cruelty pair,she's cruel and he's mental.'

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'