Divorce Contemplation Gifts

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'You're trying to get out of this marriage, aren't you, Ed?'

'According to this magazine article, we should have divorced years ago.'

'Looks like he's had enough.'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"We'd get divorced but we can't afford to."

"You've caught me at an awkward time, can I call you back when I'm single?"

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

'Finally we agree on something. I blame you, too.'

Doomed Relationships - Balloon Artists and Knife Throwers

"I'm selling you on eBay."

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

'I'm you from thirty years in the future. I've come back to tell you not to do it!'

They had a combustible relationship.

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Maximilian could see far away places,but he never told anyone.

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"The overthinker"

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

Zenemies.

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! … Emerson" "Good boy!"

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Thought bubble mirrors the cloud in the sky.

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."