Divine Comic Relief Mugs

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Dog Birthdays

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"I don't know, what do you want to do today?"

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

Optimism is extremely contagious.

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

Casual skydiving.

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."