Dividend Enthusiast Pillows

"Well, at least it is a dividend stock."

'Just remember, Eddie, I've always viewed a big dividend as manna from heaven.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

The day the stock market went UP.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Wall Street Couch

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Why markets crash.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'