Dishwasher Dodger Mugs

'There's nothing wrong with my arm - I wear it to get out of washing the dishes!'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"Good dog!"

'We're extending an offer of employment to you contingent upon the results of a drug test, psychological consultation...'

'Instead of brushing my teeth can't I just chew on one of his dog biscuits?'

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

Motivation

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

"I can't wait that long."

'You can uncover your eyes now, dear. The dessert cart is out of sight.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."