Disgruntled Hero Gifts

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"First break since 2008."

'What do you mean...You feel uncomfortable asking for time off?'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'I hate my life.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 20

"This was my father's desk, He frequently banged his head on it."

"What did you swallow" - "My pride"

Parenting is... watching them sleep.

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

Nurse Feels Guilty Working So Many Hours When So Many Are Unemployed

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'My secret of time management? I never take anyone off 'hold'.'

"Era un gato grande... Que hacia ro ro..."

"It's only Wednesday, Fenton."

"You monster!"

Dead Workaholic

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

"Baldo, you deserve this raise. But please don't tell anybody what I'm paying you."

'I don't mind hand-me-downs. I just wish my brother had played football.'

"Seriously? 'It is what it is', that's it?"

"I'll go ahead and transfer you to Mr. Dixon. Please hold while he sighs heavily before picking up."

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

"I didn't go to work today. I gathered firewood instead."

"Gifts like this ought to keep me humble."

'I can't remember for the life of me why I came upstairs.'

"I can't believe this! When I was your age, I never hit a ball through a window!"

'You have to try to be more careful, Daddy - You almost broke little Mike's roller skate!'

'Short-timer Syndrome' A cockatiel acts out on his last day at work.