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'I'm the real thing. I'm FROM the West Nile.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Gross."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Side effects may include....'

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

Give it to me straight, Doc, and don't poopcoat it.

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

Turn your head and laugh.

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'And I think you'll find something extra in your dessert, Hon.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'It's caused by doing too many wrist curls, overindulging in spinach and... Excuse me. Everyone in here - stat - if you want to see an actual case of 'Popeye Syndrome'!'

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"