Discovering Family Ties T-Shirts

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

'I've turned into my mother.'

'Get a new hair-do, join a health club, call your mother...'

It is nice to connect with family from other planets

It's time you know the truth about your father.

Once or twice a year he'd leave work and go home to his family. He missed them terribly, but not the commute.

"This family who came with the frame made it clear they want no contact with me."

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

"I can't believe Tia Carmen is working in our cafeteria! This bites! How can she do this to me?"

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

In all the years I've endured your presence, I have never once heard you mention your mother. It's almost as if you think you sprang fully formed from the bowels of the earth. When's the last time you called your mother? December 2, 1992. The day before text messaging was introduced. INGRATE!!!

Son, I'm adopted

Is the lock down to reconnect with my children, apparently I've got five of them

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

DNA Tests. Discover your ancestry. That was great! I love taking a science test where it's not possible to give a wrong answer.

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

"Thanks and I assure you you picked the right man for the job, Dad."

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

"Way before Facebook, my generation had places to gather and talk too much, opinionated wildly, and generally make fools of ourselves. We called them bars."

Twig's slacking off. She's busy daydreaming about Ryan Beardsley. Tree's Nursery. I can't get her to help customers. Let me try. (Whispering). He's Ryan Beardsley's father.

'You'll love Elliot, Father, He despises everyone even more than you do!'

A family out shooting

"And this was the man I thought was your father until E-Z Pass records proved that he was in New Jersey when you were conceived."

"Your look of total bewilderment - does it run in the family?"

Geneology Service: 'I'm afraid you fall into our 'better off not knowing' category....'

Separation During the Pandemic

Calling yourself O'possum doesn't make you Irish, Bob.

'Could you have a long-lost brother?'

'Mum, I've made contact with my natural random sperm donor.'

'I didn't even know there WERE people like this!'

"Neil Simon, where are you?"

"Gonzalez? Are you related to Cathy Gonzalez? She's my second cousin!"