Discovering Family Origins Prints

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

That was scary! When I opened the closet, all my family movies, tapes and DVDs tumbled down on me! Your entire life passed before your eyes!

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

She's got your eyes.

'My goodness! Doesn't she look like her father?'

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

The children at their cousin's grave

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

'Baskerville, that's right: The Hound killed by Sherlock Holmes was one of my ancestors...'

DNA Tests. Discover your ancestry. That was great! I love taking a science test where it's not possible to give a wrong answer.

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

Birds family

Son, I'm adopted

'Do you get your good looks from your mother or your father?'

"My ancestry results said my DNA was 4% Wales."

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

"Gerald took a home DNA test and it claimed he was 0.5% Cherokee Indian."