Disaster Dodger Pillows

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

'I mean, how totally lame is this? Just as the marketing for our new video game was about to go viral, the Center for Disease Control shut us down!'

"Sorry I didn't return your calls of earlier today."

"You should have called earlier."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

Examinations.

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

The Feng Shui of the road must be off.

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

Trading Places.

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

"Are you listening to me?"

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"Judging by all the parts that fell off our car, I must've have hit more potholes than I thought."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

Desk plaque: 'Seize the nap.'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

Chaos at the vet's office.

"Yeah, almost didn't make it out of that one."

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

You are here... ...Run!!!

Inner Sara Skips Out As Zoom Kicks In

"I couldn't work out how to assemble my wardrobe - then suddenly, it all fitted together..."

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.