Director Critic T-Shirts

'My whole life flashed before my eyes. I want to talk to the guy who did the editing.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Herman Mankiewicz

Golfing Boss

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."