Diplomatic Conversationalist T-Shirts

'I'm very impressed with how you effectively dodged every one of my questions.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Iran bars two UN nuclear inspectors for 'untruthful reporting'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"You do something about Human Rights and trade or...or....or..."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Well people who said the SRA wasn't up to the job are going to have to eat their words now.'

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'