Diplomatic Conversationalist T-Shirts

'I'm very impressed with how you effectively dodged every one of my questions.'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Iran bars two UN nuclear inspectors for 'untruthful reporting'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"You do something about Human Rights and trade or...or....or..."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'Well people who said the SRA wasn't up to the job are going to have to eat their words now.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'