Dinner Table Philosopher Pillows

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

"The sign said 'Home-Style Cooking.'"

'Sour grapes AGAIN?'

''Travel the world teaching crass, shallow and exploitative American-style consumerism.' Hey, I could do THAT!'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"And to think if I hand't been home having dinner I might have missed this wonderful investment opportunity."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

Fish Stick Evolution

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

"How long have we been married?"

"Now son. We haven't given thanks for all we're about to destroy."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"And he paraphrased New York Judge Gerard Lynch when he said our country has an overinflated system of incarceration that is far too punitive, disproportionate in its impact on the poor, exceedingly costly and largely impotent in reducing crime. Anyway, that's what I learned in school today."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out of her nose?'

Chick in noodle soup.

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Yes, Jamie -- you have an insight?"

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

'We tried hunting and we tried gathering, but now we usually eat out.'

"But I told everybody at the dinner party, your honor, so how could it still be insider information?"

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

"Talk doesn't cook rice...but it does make it more enjoyable!"

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."