Dinner Companion Pillows

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

"You're the lid to my pot."

Romantic Violinist.

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

"Oh, how sweet of you."

Salt and Pepper

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

Wedding Chefs

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"Joyce! The poltergeist are having another dinner party!"

"Are you as excited as I am?"

'Love's young dream or no, they're going to have to take a hunt!'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

'Not...one...drop.'

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

"Things were going along great with Greg and me, and then the 'Diceman' returned."

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

"Oh, aye - he's never slow at stepping up to the plate."

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

'Look, I know I'm just the bread, but I feel like you guys aren't being emotionally honest with each other and it's going to cause problems down the road.'

'The only thing better than being comped an '83 Amarone, is having a girlfriend who isn't a wine drinker.'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

The reserved and the go-ers.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."