Dining Snob T-Shirts

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

Inappropriate garnish.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'A sandwich?'

Prosecco Drinker

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Ah, peanut butter and jelly! Looks like the pandemic stock pile of olive loaf has finally run out."

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."