Dining Professionals T-Shirts

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'Who gets the decaf?'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

Am Awful Crammer.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

"You and your daft inventions."

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'