Dining Deregulator T-Shirts

"If you'd like a separate checks I'd like separate tables."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Expense account or regular?"

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

Spaghetto

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

Pie.,

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

DINER, 'No more rumcake for you, pal - go on home to your wife and elves.'

'That's enough, thank you.'

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

"I see what I want to eat. Where do I click 'add to cart'?"

"For dessert I'll have milk and cookies."

'Boy, when they say one trip salad bar, they MEAN one trip salad bar!'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"Nothing for me, thanks."

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."

"Keep pouring. I'm a masochist."

"You were supposed to be IN the soup!"

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

No, I'm not a gambler at all. I just blow on these and they keep serving me drinks.