Digital Streaming Skeptic Pillows

"This year has been a disaster. But, my breaking point was when Apple TV+ hijacked 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,' away from network television."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Rare Books

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

The other digital divide.

"You look pleased with yourself. What gives, little buddy?" "Well..." "...Netflix was removing their 'Voltron' reboot, so I spent forty hours straight streaming it. I finished all eight seasons with seconds to spare." "It was worth it. The show was so insanely good that it made me feel like I was ten years old again..." "...like I just skateboarded home with a Mountain Dew and a bag of Funyons after watching 'Footloose.'" "Something tells me my '80s were a lot sexier than your '80s."

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

Books On Paper

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"Look, all we did was sleep together. I saved watching 'Game of Thrones' for us."

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"That was good, but we could have watched it on my phone."

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

"Trust your instinct son, not the rubbish spewed on Social Media..."

The Digital Dark Ages

Watching TV.

Unsocial Media

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Jeez, dad. Your computer is so old it came with a flag to put up when you want to send an email."

"I just don't see a future for us Jane, our Netflix wish lists are just too different."

'I don't have my homework because my dial-up modem couldn't connect with my on-line homework helper.'

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

No Connection.

Earth wearing Mickey Mouse hat

"I'm not saying it's spying on us, but it's asking me to 'select all the images of yourself selecting all the images of yourself.'"

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

"It's not really watching TV if I watch it online."

'You have to learn arithmetic in case your computer crashes.'