Digital Security Lover Prints

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'Where was the TSA?'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

A Little Extra

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

CCTV in church.

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"This is Alexander. He’ll be heading up our hacking division."

"...and if you both can successfully complete this CAPTCHA, we'll continue with the vows."

"Are you sure you updated the anti-virus software?"

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''