Digital Protection Aficionado Pillows

Ted never left anything to chance. His computer passwords were all 99 random characters long. . .

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

Biro Security

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

'Stay clear, I'm wiping my computer data before I get rid of it!'

Beware of dog armed with cloaking device.

"If there's a way in, they'll find it."

'I made a backup disc. Then I realized I wanted a backup of the backup. Then I decided just to be safe, to make a backup of that backup...'

"Security is lax on this side."

My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest, but I never forget it.

Digital Press Killing Off Print-Media

'Polly wants on-line.'

You think you're good, eh? Okay, you've got the lost and found windo at the Kleptomaniac's Convention.

'And do you vow to give her all of your login passwords until death do you part?'

'Well yes, my son is not mean enough...'

"I've noticed that all the security cameras follow me around."

"Don't be alarmed, sir. Just a precaution we always take."

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

"There! I've deleted you from my database!"

Guarded optimism.

Safer Torah

Barack Obama with a listening medal.

I can't vote for Clinton. I just keep thinking about how she said she didn't want to use two separate devices to check her personal and work email. I use six devices! iPhone, Apple Watch, iPad, iMac, laptop, and Kindle Paperwhite. Anyone who isn't packing at least four wifi-capable devices is too old-timey to run my country. You think Ted Cruz is packing? I don't want to have this conversation.

Twitter's not enough. Personal news tickers are the next big thing.

Locked Bra.