Digital Finance Enthusiast Gifts

Our bank account is now behind a paywall...

"Haven't you heard? The world has gone to digital money. I suppose we could give you a check ... "

Modern money

"I don't laugh all the way to the bank. I just check my balance online and cry at my computer."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"We balanced our budget this month!"

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Tempest in a Teapot

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Money Plant.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."