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'No, this is not my finances. With direct deposits and automatic bill pay, my money no longer needs me.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Great Chinese Dynasties

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

The economy.

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

Russia Money Laundering

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"Wanna toss the ol' virtual pigskin?"

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Economy

Manufacturing will take place in China...So what role does Europe have?...you borrow money to be the customer

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"Everything's gone up."

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'