Digital Diplomacy Champion T-Shirts

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

Couples' therapy

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

Teamwork

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

WHO checklist

"Look! Other people. We'll have to develop a foreign policy!"

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

The Web is mightier than the sword.

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

Thank you for not making faces during teleconferences with the boss.

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

You're so demanding, run it yourself!