Digital Decoders T-Shirts

"Welcome to tech support. You have three minutes to rage at me before we put an actual technician on the line."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

The Computer Bore

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"It says here that if you read stuff on an electronic device you can miss the big picture."

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

Technology and literature

"Wow, these e-readers take forever to burn..."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

DIY horror.

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Honey, what's the weather like outside?" "Hold on, let me check..."

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

Modern Childhood

Book Worm

Information vs. confusion

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

After the summer holidays

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

A bull which has seen red.

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"What do you mean I have to be more active? Today I visited websites on swimming, biking and climbing."