Dieting Novice Pillows

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Today we learned to count to one.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

The Inexperienced Cook

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'This scale is gaining weight!'

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Fat man on scales.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'