Dieting Humor Fans T-Shirts

Fat Kid.

"I have put on a few pounds, but it's mostly water weight."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Fast Food Dieter

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Weight Gain Denial

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

"Is it working?"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids