Dietary Trends Gifts

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

Firewood for Sale

Bar None

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Queen of Quinoa

See you at the farmers market!

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

All Natural Nothing

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Fridge-to-table"

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'