Dietary Humorist Mugs

'The customer is always right...'

Mosquito Worry About Saturated Fats

'They do have a bad aftertaste, but I think taking diet pills with dip might defeat the purpose.'

"These high fiber popsicles is just a box of sticks!"

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

Chocolate Weight Watcher.

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

Consumer of Pears.

'Do you have a scale that's less sarcastic?'

When I recommended you give him a more varied diet, I didn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'Fatsnax crispy treats'

'Try the salmon. I find the omega-3 fatty acids, plus the mercury, enhance my penchant for aggressive behavior.'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Two vegans, please."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'