Diet Soda Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Oh yeah...a diet soda, too.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"We won!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

The Alpha Seltzer

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

All Natural Nothing

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Fat man on scales.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Coca-Cola Inc: 'Gentlemen, is it too late to be bailed out for 'NEW' Coke?'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."