Diet Marauder Gifts

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Anti-inflammation recipes

Sisyphus Sawyer

International House of Excrement

'New Barbeque.'

Motivation to Keep Fit.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

Odd Spas

"You go pillage. I can loot from here."

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"I think the milk's off!"

'I don't care if we mostly eat protein - on a hot day like this I have a craving for ice cream.'

I'm turning to the 'Duck' side!

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"Why have you brought me here?"

"I see the gastric bypass seems to be working."

"My doctor suggested I get less fat in my diet."

'It's time for drastic measures - I'm taking you off food and putting you on chew toys.'

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

Obese Hansel and Grettle

'His snacks and his meals are beginning to OVERLAP!'

"More protein? How about some veggies once in a while?"

'I've discovered a new diet. I can eat as much as I like but I'm not to swallow.'

What to serve to meet most dietary restrictions

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

"Not a word, Doc! I'm having hot flashes!"

"Adverbs, adjectives, conjunctions, clauses...I'll never learn to speak English!"

"If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

'Your tests show a mild protein deficiency...Have you thought about accepting cheeses into your life?'

Manuscripts.

"Some of the guys are worried about your commitment to the whole marauding barbarian thing."