Diet Delusion Debunker T-Shirts

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

Weight Gain Denial

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

Error in low-fat pizza design.

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Complex Carbs

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

Lite Beer.

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is it working?"

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"