Diet Critic T-Shirts

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

"He's on the paleo diet."

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

"You don't seem to be retaining water, you seem to be retaining beer!"

'Hundred and fifty kilos of slimming pills please!...And a glass of water.'

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

'It's finally happened - no fats, no sugar, no colouring, no ingredients whatsoever!'

The eat well - lose weight - be calm diet.

Health Food Research: Mouse commits suicide

"Good news and bad news. The good news is that we got your weight down to a more manageable level. The bad news..."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

6 Brothers Falafel

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Rump roast?"